viewThe Baltimorons 2025, Duplass Brothers Productions, Directed by Jay Duplass (4 out of 5 Hot Chocolates)
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There is a recent tradition of established film directors giving their elevated spin on the Christmas movie. See Alexander Payne’s The Holdovers and David Gordon Green’s Nutcrackers. Mumblecore filmmaker Jay Duplass is the 2025 entry.
Baltimorons is a melancholy May-December Rom-Com between a disillusioned millennial improv comedian and a divorced post-menopausal dentist in a mid-life rut. Their day-long accidental adventure reignites their joy for life, against a backdrop of grimy urban Christmas pastiche.
Duplass mines the beats and tropes of a holiday romance but eschews the holly-jolly trappings of Hallmark for a realistic take on loneliness and connection.
Watch it.
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viewOh. What. Fun. Amazon 2025 (1.75 out of 5 Hot Chocolates)
Starring Michelle Pfeiffer, Dennis Leary, Felicity Jones, Dominic Sessa, Joan Chen, and Jason Schwartzman. Directed by Michael Showalter
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This movie is a holiday party eggnog left out to curdle. I imagine an Amazon exec dumping 1970s gender stereotypes, check-collecting stars, and meanness as 'satire' into the blender and thinking “Yum.” Gross.
Borrowing plot and themes from The Family Stone, Home Alone, and Planes, Trains & Automobiles, writer/director Michael Showalter doesn’t like the genre enough to craft a compelling family dramedy. It's slice-and-bake Christmas cookies sold as “from scratch.”
Every year, streamers throw money and stars at the Christmas TV movie template, attempting to legitimize something that doesn’t need it. A holiday message: More isn’t always better.
Skip it
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viewMerry Christmas, Ted Cooper Hallmark, 2025 (4 out of 5 Hot Chocolates)
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The season’s first banger. Atypical male lead, fresh story beats, and riffing on zany Anchorman-style comedies. The romance is a Christmas Ale buzz. You root for leads Ted and Hope.
Supporting cast matters in holiday movies. From Ted’s high-strung sibling to the Sole Sisters, an a-hole newsman nemesis, and Hope’s straight-talkin' coworker, this movie has a fruitcake of an ensemble.
The plot had a third-act problem with an asinine Three’s Company miscommunication “conflict.” Hope is unnecessarily mean, as she delivers a brutal, undeserved Ted takedown. Justice for Ted! But the hot, handsy, elongated on-camera make-out scene saved Christmas.
Watch it.
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viewAn Alpine Holiday, Hallmark Channel 2025 (2.5/5 Hot Chocolates)
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Two aspects differentiate An Alpine Holiday: authentic French Alps sets (no fake snow!) and a story that focuses more on sibling relationships than romantic entanglements.
A last wish sends two sisters on a quest to retrace their grandparents' alpine love story. Ashley Williams, a Christmas movie regular with quirky comic timing, plays one of the sisters. Their tension drives the plot, each carrying a sleigh full of grievances and regrets to unwrap.
The rest? Weak romance cider. One gets a limp French tour guide, and Williams has a nonsensical marriage epiphany about her dweeb back home.
Only for Hallmark Heads.
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